Published November 27, 2009
The Moment
The moment has now come
For us to begin to march forth
Into the dept of what we call hell
We apologize to those that we must leave
"Sorry", we say, "I didn't try hard enough".
They agree, and we March with our heads hung low
As we listen to the very same music that put us there
But your mother blames TV, and your father blames himself
Your oh, so young and naive sister blames the old family dog
Your grandfather will never be the same again, grandma is scared
You blame the world, in which you leave even worse than when you came
They weep at such a horrible funeral, and I sit by and cry along with them
Everyone just wants you to come back, "The good ones die so very young", they say
When all we want you to do is read this poem backwards and climb the steps of truth
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140,903 Literary Works • 673,707 Reviews
Very amazing! I LOVE how it actually does look like a staircase.
I'm guessing you meant that to be lower case. Unless you meant it to be that way and March has a special meaning to it.
I love this line! It really gets me thinking, and isn't that overall what we want our poetry to get people to do?
Keep up the good work!
Awesome layout!
The poem needs trimming though! There are a lot of useless words that are mostly there to fill in the staircase layout--which is awesome! I love the layout! But I would like more story and less "nows" and whatnot that you use as filler. It might make the poem's line breaks seem jarring and uneven, but I think that would be awesome too. I mean, obviously you can't do that all the time, but it would make a really cool effect here since it would make it hard to read, which makes it seem like you're stumbling down the stairs... which is neat!
besides march being capitalized,
I really liked this poem. It was very tell-y, but I found it oddly fitting.
It felt like the descent of a teenager.
And the staircase effect was a cool touch.
Great job and keep writing,
Empress
ps great line ^
I really like the fact that you made it so that it IS a staircase!
another amazing work. the ending kind off sounded forced for me though. and "trued"? or "truth"?
so it's about a suicide huh?